


Who *Are* You?

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bullying, Eventual Romance, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Reader uses e/em/eir they/them/their and it/its, Slow Burn, Spiritual, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, genderless reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6371149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're a little thing that likes to have fun. You have a stress-free life of playing, exploring, learning, and teasing humans. There's nothing more to it; or at least, there wasn't.<br/>Thanks to a human friend, you gain a sense of identity, and thanks to the return of monsters and their magic, you gain the ability to roam the physical plane.</p><p>(Slow-burn slow-to-update fanfiction that focuses more on the development of the main character and their friendships for now, with eventual romance with Sans. Possible smut but don't count on it. Reader is kind of a jerk, unintentionally.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who *Are* You?

**Author's Note:**

> tw for bullying, ableism, gender dysphoria, transphobia, cissexism, suicide attempts, lots of mentions of death (including the mention of general animal death)  
> reader also refers to humans with it pronouns at first and that may be triggering, but eventually reader defaults to "they" (but might refer to themself with it pronouns sometimes)
> 
> eventually i'll provide a reference for the main character (both a blank canvas character for editing/general appearance ideas and my actual self-insert)
> 
> ____ is used for reader's name, word replacer browser extensions can be used to change this into a name. if you wanna read this as me/sans (the otp) some of my names are "ruby" and "momo" ;) ;)
> 
> EDIT 3/28/2016: Dear Undertale Fandom,  
> "No gender" does not mean "any gender you want uwu". Unless English is not your first language and you have trouble with gender-neutral pronouns, you should not be gendering Frisk. It's incredibly disrespectful to trans kids and teens, and trans people who wish they knew what they were feeling when they were kids or teens, and I hope Frisk's troubles in this fic gives you some perspective.  
> Love, a genderless person who has been genderless since they were 13, which is about Frisk's age in this fic, and is real fucking tired of being "basically female"

You don't have any memory of your birth. When, where, how and why, it's all a mystery to you. You've tried to recall your earliest memory before, but it was too much effort, and you didn't care enough to keep trying. That's in the past, and knowing how and why you exist isn't likely to affect your future, so upon realizing this, your curiosity about it all but vanished.

You don't have, or need, a purpose. You don't need to know how you exist, because you already exist; there's no point in knowing the logistics of your creation. You don't need to know why you exist, because you're not a tool formed in order to be used, you're just you. You don't need to know who you are, because you just _are_.

You're a little thing that likes to have fun. You have a stress-free life of playing, exploring, learning, and teasing humans. Your daily activities can be as mundane as chasing your tail, or something more exciting, like pretending to be an animal and getting a human with a killing object to chase you. You also make many acquaintances as you move from place to place, and they play with you or teach you about humans. You've heard a lot of conflicting stories, painting humans to be either complicated and fascinating creatures with complex and unique behaviors and thought patterns, or selfish, arrogant creatures who want nothing more than to claim and destroy the world, dominate any other intelligent races, and start wars with each other, all to feed their lust for power.

You had never directly conversed with a human, but there seems to be a little truth in both sides.

You are also told, however, that human children are different. Their souls are pure and innocent, yet to be tainted by the teachings of their elders.

You're not really sure how to physically judge a human's age, as you have had young gnome friends who were just beginning to grow beards and get wrinkles while still being considered children, and you have had adult fairy friends who claim to appear as children to humans, but it's said the soul is a good indication.

Human souls are transparent when first forming, then pure white when they are born, gaining hue as they grow into an individual person, eventually shining brightly with a color that represents who they are, or what they value, or who they strive to be, or what they strive to do. Then, as they grow older, humans' souls may darken or desaturate. Exactly why isn't known, but it's assumed that darkness represents impurity and that bleak colors are loss of hope.

Impurity is a strange thing. An impure soul does not equal an evil creature; it has been exposed to a great deal of negative energy. Apparently, negativity and pessimism are prevalent enough in many human societies for a soul's purity to be a fairly reliable age estimation system.

Evil is subjective, anyhow. Many entities in the astral plane have malicious intent, and many entities, "good" or "bad", were born from humans themselves.

Usually your opinion on a person is based on how fun they are to play with or talk to, really. As much as you ponder morality, you don't really have “values”. If someone's presence makes you feel bad, you avoid them. If it doesn't, you try to play. If they don't play (or do anything interesting), they're a waste of time. If a human ends up dying after you lead them astray, those are the breaks, they should have known better, you shrug and go find something else to do.

One day you see a human stumbling around your current spot, with a peculiar soul. Bright, shiny red, but with a cloudy black aura. Over the course of a few weeks, it returns multiple times, walks around, seems disappointed, and leaves, and you don't bother it because you're busy being confused about its soul. You decide you want to meddle; directly. You reveal yourself to it, and it shrieks.

“Whatcha doin' here?” You're bouncing around on your paws. This is as close as you can get to a physical form, so you like to savor it and pretend you're truly limited by things like walking and “gravity”.

The human settles down and has a neutral-looking expression. It's wearing green and yellow and brown, and actually blends in with the forest pretty well.

“Nothing. Who are you?” It replies.

“I dun' know,” you say, because you don't. “If you're not doing anything, why do you keep coming here?”

It looks away from you and its aura feels sad.

“I heard children who come to this mountain never come back.” Oh, a curious human, investigating what that may mean? Sounds like a fun person.

“That's weird. Why do you think that is?” You have your own passing theories, like they get lost, or they really like the mountain and stay forever, but surprisingly the human doesn't share their own and looks at you sternly.

“Look. I came here to die. If you're going to kill me, hurry up and do it.”

…?

“Die? Why?” Oh! What a fun rhyme. “Why die why?”

The human is silent for a minute. It sighs and sits down. You stare at it while you bounce from foot to foot.

“I just don't like being alive. I can't be who I want to be and do what I want to do. I have to meet everyone else's expectations and be what they want me to be and do what's 'right'.”

…?

“I don't get it, but that sounds boring. Do you want to play?”

It shakes its head. “Not really. Sorry… I kind of want to be alone.” Aw, no fun. But at least you think you know why the black is there on its soul.

“Well, okay. Bye, why die guy!” It flinches violently and suddenly.

“I'm not a guy!” It says in a growly sort of voice. It calms down. “I'm… not a boy. Or a girl.”

You stare blankly. “I don't know what those are.”

Its voice has become squeakier, its face buried in its knees. “Everyone wants to tell me what to do based on a stupid little category they want to box me into. I don't fit into their stupid boxes. I'm just me. I'm just Chara.”

You're very confused for a second, but then you think you can empathize. You sit by Chara.

“I think I know. When people ask me who I am I get confused. I'm just me.” Chara is resting its cheek on its knee.

“It's a little different. It would be hard to explain. Just… I want to get away from it. Forever. How do people usually disappear here?”

“Hmm. I dunno. The humans that I've seen die get eaten by kitties or fall down off a high place or just get lost for too long.” You point in a direction. “There's a big hole over there for falling down.”

Chara nods and leaves before you can tell it to wait. And when you get to the hole, Chara is gone.

You're disappointed, as usual when you can't play with someone anymore, but you also have a little ache in your soul that feels weird. You spend a long time staring down the hole and feeling strangely lazy and not-bouncy before you decide you don't want to be there anymore and leave the mountain.

Ever since then, you started leading scared or bright-souled humans out of your spots, and leaving a flower on the dead ones you find. They all have stories, and they can end so abruptly. At least you still have the killing humans to play with; the ones that cheer when they kill an animal and defile the corpses. It's not a vengeance thing, you just figure if they have fun killing creatures, they would be okay with playing your riskier games.

Many seasons later, you return to that mountain. Humans say those who climb the mountain never return.  
You make this your “home spot”. Maybe now you can help them return.

* * *

Frisk is an adventurous soul; they tell themself this is why they climb the mountain that no one returns from, and while it's true they're curious, it's also true that Frisk just doesn't care what happens to them up there.

Frisk is tired. It's sad how humans can be so cruel to their own kind. In school, they're teased for being mute by their classmates, and punished for not speaking when a teacher asks them to. On the rare occasions they do speak, they “talk too much”, and their impaired hearing makes them speak too loudly. They have trouble learning and processing information and need others to repeat themselves often, and so to others they are “stupid”, and because they are autistic, they're treated like a pitiful injured animal; people avoiding them to avoid responsibility, people looking their way with expressions of fake concern that say “I wish I could help you” but they do nothing, people who do try to “help” but do so by trying to “fix” them instead of accommodate for them… needless to say, they don't have many friends.

The worst, though, is the shit they put up with for being transgender. Teachers and classmates alike refuse to try to understand. “There are only two genders, (birth name).” “You can't change your gender, (birth name).” “What does it say on your birth certificate, (birth name)?” “What do you have in your pants, (birth name)?” “Choose one, (birth name).” “You can't wear a skirt and say you're not a girl, (birth name).”

Frisk can't even have a god damn hairstyle. When they grow it out, people use homophobic slurs. When they cut it real short, people use homophobic slurs. Their current length is apparently enough that people don't get violent, but Frisk hates it, it's ugly, and their classmates think so too.

Their parents think they're so supportive. “We'll love you no matter what, but to us, you'll always be our little (birth name).” Ha.

Well, Mt. Ebott seems okay so far. It's pretty, at least. Currently no sign of dangerous animals or serial murderers, so that's a relief and a disappointment. Frisk doesn't really want to go home, so maybe it'll work out if they find some place to camp out and–oh crap that is a _massive_ hole.

“Stooop!” a voice yells not three seconds after discovering the hole, but when Frisk looks in the direction it came from, there's nothing.

“Hey!” The voice is behind them now, and they turn around in shock. You're standing right in front of them, long animal-like ears and a long swaying tail, hands on your hips and bouncing in place on your paws. Best of all, you only reach their shoulders. You're much too cute, round, fuzzy and bouncy for them to be intimidated for long, and they even smile at you.

They're about to sign “Who are you?” on the off chance you can understand, but you answer before they can finish, not even looking at their hands.

“I'm no one. You shouldn't go down that hole, though. You'll probably die. And if you want to die, stop that.”

Frisk is taken aback.

 **You can read my mind?** They think, addressing you, about to accompany it with sign language, but once again you interrupt.

“I don' know what that means.”

Strange.

**You can hear me without me speaking.**

“Sure? I don't really hear. More like… feel what you want to tell me.” You shrug at them. They realize they have no trouble hearing you, either.

They grin.

* * *

Frisk didn't jump. They went home the day you met them, and they've been coming back frequently ever since. You got them to play chase with you and they tell you things about their life, and why they came here.

They even gave you a “name”: ____. Now when someone asks who you are, you can say one funny word instead of having to say “does it matter” and they say “why are you being so 'e-vay-siv'” and you say “I don't know what that means don't talk to me anymore”.  
It's nice though. You like to repeat it. Human words are so funny, and there are so many ways humans speak. You've begun referring to yourself with your new name sometimes, such as “____ wants to play hide and seek today”, so you can say it all the time.

Frisk tells you that you are their friend. They don't mind all the bad things people say anymore because they're so excited to come play with you. It makes you feel happy. It makes you feel a hot feeling in your soul that makes you feel like you have a purpose.

You used to be nothing and nobody, just existing, just living, and you were content. Now you are ____, Frisk's friend and protector of sad humans.

Frisk reminds you of Chara. From their appearance to the issues they face, they're very similar, and one day, you are sad.

“I wish I could have saved them,” you tell Frisk, after telling them how you came to live in this mountain. You tell them about a bad feeling it gives you.

 **You're probably feeling 'guilt',** they inform you. **When you did something you think is wrong and you are upset with yourself because of it, that's guilt.** Weird. You don't like the feeling, but very much like the word.

**It's not your fault, though. They were probably glad you listened to them. It felt nice to tell you about why I wanted to fall.**

You nod. You don't like that you couldn't have helped more, but there's nothing you can do now.

One day, Frisk tells you they want to go down the hole. You feel a scared feeling.

“You can't! You'll die!”

 **But what if I climbed down? With a rope, maybe.** Huh… maybe.

“Well, maybe. Then you can tell me what you see!” You bounce. How exciting!

They come back the next day with a lot of rope.

They secure it to a branch, and you promise to hold onto it just in case.

They start to descend, and you hold onto the rope.

“See anything yet?”

You can't understand them quite as well when you can't see them, but they say something about regretting not bringing a light, and coming back up, and trying again tomorrow.

They start climbing up.

The branch snaps.

You are not corporeal.

The rope falls in the hole with the branch.

Frisk is gone.

Friend is gone.

"Devastation", a word you once heard, but never understood.

All you can do is stare down the hole with a heavy-feeling soul. You don't even like the rhyme.

Some protector you are.

**Author's Note:**

> truthfully i have some terrible writer's block, especially with my other fics, but I havent abandoned any of them at all!
> 
> i really need to cope right now so i was like hey! i'm going to write about me! i love to be me and have a skeleton husband and a big monster family! so here's some sans/oc fanfic that keeps some details vague enough for you to insert yourself.  
> honestly i may not update this fic often or at all, but I wanted to get the idea out there. the fic would probably end when oc and sans "officially" start dating and then after that i'd definitely write connected fics. i don't have any real plans and depression is killing my motivation :^(
> 
> hope!! this is!! ok!! thank you!! even though this fic is really self-indulgent feel free to give thoughts and ideas.  
> i'm much too Bluh to do much editing so i hope it's not shit. i'm pretty sure there are already some continuity issues, frick my Butt


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